Old Fears & New Strengths

Have any of you ever played Mario Kart on Nintendo 64? That game has the option of racing yourself: after you drive a course once, you can drive it again, and race against your former performance. At some point, a ghostly version of you (I was always Toad, if possible) breaks away and repeats exactly what you did last time so you have a visual aid while trying to beat yourself.

Last night in Booty Camp, when we reached the point where we were repeating an exercise for far too long and I wanted to stop (I can't remember exactly which move it was, but it's safe to say it was probably a squat), I imagined that I was competing against my former self. I imagined a ghostly Katie (maybe Katie at the beginning of Booty Camp) who was a little less strong than I am now. Maybe she doesn't go as deep into the squat, or maybe she gives up a little sooner. I willed myself to hold the move a little bit longer than her.

Visualizing how much stronger I have become in this way was a great help to me! It inspired me to keep going, even when I didn't want to, and push harder. Rather than compare myself to other people (which can be discouraging!), I have to remember how far I've come.

When I think back further, say, to a former Katie who would have been too afraid to even TAKE a Booty Camp class, I feel even prouder.

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that I used to be afraid all the time. I was afraid to try new things. I was afraid to go shopping for clothes with friends because nothing would fit me. I was afraid to go swimming because everyone would see me in a bathing suit. I was afraid to go to an amusement park in case I didn't fit on a ride (which never actually happened, but sometimes it was a tight squeeze). I was afraid to go to the doctor and find out that I had diabetes or heart disease or something along those lines. I was afraid to eat too much in public. I was afraid to eat too little in public (people might think I was dieting, and then deduce that I was fat... from that). I was afraid to ask for help.

The list could go on and on. I don't have those feelings of fear anymore (for the most part). I no longer put so much value on what others think - and I've realized that people aren't actually thinking that much about how I look or what I'm doing/eating/wearing. My self-confidence is MUCH higher than it used to be (sometimes I'm downright vain!).

On a somewhat related note, I was brave enough to join the gym this week! This morning I tried my very first Zumba class. It was something different, which I think my body liked, and it was fun! Not very intense, but I've got enough intensity in my routine already.

I'm off to find some dinner and get to bed! I have an early day tomorrow. :)

Has getting healthier helped you shed any old fears? Did my Mario Kart analogy make any sense at all?!