Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Old Fears & New Strengths

Have any of you ever played Mario Kart on Nintendo 64? That game has the option of racing yourself: after you drive a course once, you can drive it again, and race against your former performance. At some point, a ghostly version of you (I was always Toad, if possible) breaks away and repeats exactly what you did last time so you have a visual aid while trying to beat yourself.

Last night in Booty Camp, when we reached the point where we were repeating an exercise for far too long and I wanted to stop (I can't remember exactly which move it was, but it's safe to say it was probably a squat), I imagined that I was competing against my former self. I imagined a ghostly Katie (maybe Katie at the beginning of Booty Camp) who was a little less strong than I am now. Maybe she doesn't go as deep into the squat, or maybe she gives up a little sooner. I willed myself to hold the move a little bit longer than her.

Visualizing how much stronger I have become in this way was a great help to me! It inspired me to keep going, even when I didn't want to, and push harder. Rather than compare myself to other people (which can be discouraging!), I have to remember how far I've come.

When I think back further, say, to a former Katie who would have been too afraid to even TAKE a Booty Camp class, I feel even prouder.

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that I used to be afraid all the time. I was afraid to try new things. I was afraid to go shopping for clothes with friends because nothing would fit me. I was afraid to go swimming because everyone would see me in a bathing suit. I was afraid to go to an amusement park in case I didn't fit on a ride (which never actually happened, but sometimes it was a tight squeeze). I was afraid to go to the doctor and find out that I had diabetes or heart disease or something along those lines. I was afraid to eat too much in public. I was afraid to eat too little in public (people might think I was dieting, and then deduce that I was fat... from that). I was afraid to ask for help.

The list could go on and on. I don't have those feelings of fear anymore (for the most part). I no longer put so much value on what others think - and I've realized that people aren't actually thinking that much about how I look or what I'm doing/eating/wearing. My self-confidence is MUCH higher than it used to be (sometimes I'm downright vain!).

On a somewhat related note, I was brave enough to join the gym this week! This morning I tried my very first Zumba class. It was something different, which I think my body liked, and it was fun! Not very intense, but I've got enough intensity in my routine already.

I'm off to find some dinner and get to bed! I have an early day tomorrow. :)

Has getting healthier helped you shed any old fears? Did my Mario Kart analogy make any sense at all?!


K8 said...


Katie said...

YES! Can we be gym buddies?

Certifiably Fit said...

Hey there I stumbled over here from Prior Fat Girl's blog. Just started following you and look forward to reading about your progress.

Your analogy totally made sense to me.

Getting healthier has helped me shed my shyness. I used to be shy because I worried people wouldn't like me because they would judge me by how big I was. Now 100lbs lighter I am a social butterfly and no longer worry about that.

If you get a chance stop by my blog and say hello.

K8 said...

We can definitely be gym buddies!!!!!!

Katie said...

Certifiably Fit: Thanks for sharing! I'm definitely much less shy than I used to be, too (although still somewhat shy). Wow, 100 lbs! That's amazing!

K8: I'm super excited!