(Worst) Weigh-In (in the history of Weight Watchers)

Despite what the title of this post may lead you to believe, today was a very good day.

Let's start from the beginning.

I had my Weight Watchers meeting today. I knew that I would be up. My eating has been very out-of-control lately. I stepped on the scale this morning, wondering what the damage would be. Last week, I weighed in at 187.8. This morning, as usual, I read upside-down while the receptionist recorded my weight. He wrote a 1... then a 9... Oh dear, I thought. Back in the 190's. Then the next digit was...

A seven.

Yes. I gained 9.2 lbs this week. That's over 10 lbs in 2 weeks.

I am almost back in the 200's.

Thankfully, the receptionist didn't make any comments (although I wonder what he might have been thinking!). I slowly walked over to my seat for the meeting, in a bit of a daze.

Ashley, my wonderful leader, came and sat next to me and asked how it was going. I am so grateful she did! I admitted that I was struggling, and we had an amazing talk. It was so good to be honest with someone about how I've been feeling, and how much I've been eating. She gave me some excellent advice, and after the chat (still before the meeting even started!), I was feeling much better.

Then we had one of the BEST MEETINGS EVER! A couple of members got their 10%'s, and one member reached his goal! This man, Dave, is an amazing inspiration at my meeting. He has lost a crazy amount of weight (I think around 140 pounds), and he always has something wise to say. When he raised his hand and told us he got to goal, I think everyone at the meeting (myself included) got a tear (or several) in their eye.

The meeting also included a lot of laughs, especially when one woman (who got her 10% today!) told us that her husband works in "chocolate development" (she got a whole string of Bravo! stickers).

I left the meeting feeling, as usual, motivated and excited for an on-plan week. I love my Weight Watchers meeting.

I came home to quickly tidy up for the open house my landlord is having today and get ready to go to a family function I had. There was a lot of food at this function, but I think I definitely exercised some willpower (to be honest, I wasn't even very hungry). I tracked everything as accurately as I could.

At the event, I saw a lot of family members that I hadn't seen in a couple of years (or more)... I got quite a few comments on how amazing/different I looked. A couple of cousins asked what my secret was, and I told them how I'd been following Weight Watchers. It was a nice boost to be reminded of how far I've come!

I came home around 4:30 and got down to business:

The stage was set for some serious me-time. I bought the new issue of Best Health (my fave) a couple of days ago, and I pulled out some of my Weight Watchers booklets and cookbooks to get my motivation in gear. I had just started reading the Week 4 book (Habits of Successful Members), when I decided to get a workout out of the way RIGHT THEN AND THERE. I cleared my furniture out of the way...

... and popped in the Booty Camp Fitness DVD to do the Beginner Workout!

It was TOUGH (but less tough than when I did this workout a few weeks ago! Yay progress!).

Afterwards I gave the Liberte Greek Yogourt another shot. With an orange and some frozen berries:

Delicious! It's a winner! :)

I didn't get the meal planning done tonight like I'd wanted to (I'm totally exhausted) (Edit @ 11:15 p.m. - I got a second wind after writing this post & planned them!), but I have a full day tomorrow to plan my meals, buy some groceries, maybe go for a swim, and do some pre-cooking for the week!

Even though I've been floundering for a few weeks, never once have I seriously thought about giving up. It simply isn't an option. When I started going to Weight Watchers meetings in November, I made a commitment to myself that I am not going to break.

Today, while I was talking to Ashley, she asked me if I was being kind to myself. It was funny, because in some ways I'd been thinking that I've been being TOO kind to myself--i.e., thinking things like "oh, it's okay if you reward yourself with some cereal, you're doing so well!" When I described this to her, Ashley reminded me that being kind to yourself isn't the same as being a pushover!

That really resonated with me. And really, the way I've been treating myself isn't kind. Sometimes, what we really need is some tough love. We have to say no. Eating too much isn't rewarding myself, it's punishing myself, even if it feels good at the time (which it doesn't even, to be honest).

How is your weekend going?

Look what I found...

At Shoppers Drug Mart of all places!

I'm still undecided on how I feel about it. It was exactly what I was hoping/expecting it to be--very thick yogurt. But I'm realizing that maybe I don't like very thick yogurt?? I had it today with some sliced banana, and I'm unsure how I feel about it, haha. I'll get back to you.

Yesterday I had an AMAZING booty camp class. We had a different instructor this week. Last night, we did circuits that were called "cha-battas" (or something that sounds like that??? I'm trying to google various things but am getting NOWHERE), where we would do a move for 20 seconds, rest for 10, and repeat for 3 minutes. We did that with squat jumps, planks, and pushups. I really liked it!

I think I liked it because I can actually hold a plank for 20 seconds (unlike... any longer period of time), so it was less demoralizing than usual for me. ;)

So I'm feeling good about exercise lately but I'm really struggling with food. For some reason, I CAN'T STOP EATING!!! Even knowing I am weighing in tomorrow doesn't seem to matter! I do have faith that this will pass, and I'll be back in my groove, but it's annoying. I have no middle ground--as soon as I veer from the plan a little bit, it's like I'm trying to eat as horribly as possible "while I still can," before I'm back to eating healthily. I really need to work on eating in moderation all the time.

I DO have a plan to get back on track this coming week. I want to plan all of my meals, and, if I can manage, pre-prepare a lot of them on Sunday really thoroughly--for example, put together all my lunches, dinners, and snacks and label them all so I can just grab and eat all week.

I'm not 100% sure I'll have a chance to do so much prep this weekend-- my landlord has suddenly decided to put my house up for sale (my house has three apartments in it). He doesn't think it will sell, he's just listing it for two weeks to see if he can get a crazy-high price for it, but there are open houses tomorrow and Sunday.

I probably don't want to be making multiple meals and pre-packing them while strangers traipse through my house. Plus the added stress of the possibility that he MIGHT sell my house is not helping matters. I know that I can stay until September, but I really like my current landlord, and I'm afraid of a new one.

The good news is that when my landlord called me to tell me about putting the house up for sale, I told him to buy me a new fridge. And he's going to! I'm very, very excited about that.

So, in sum...

Booty Camp: Good.

Food Plan: Needed.

Fridge: Coming Soon.

Greek Yogourt: Undecided.

New Clothes!

So I went shopping today for some new clothes, and I bought a new blouse that I think is pretty flattering... and now I can barely drag myself away from the mirror long enough to write this.

Can you blame me? (excuse the dorky pose, hair, and anything else objectionable in this picture...)

I even look hot all blurry (this is possibly an improvement, actually):

These photos really don't do me justice, haha. I have not mastered the "self-portrait" thing AT ALL.

Now I need somewhere to wear this (preferably somewhere with seating, as I can't really walk in heels)...

I tried on this style of blouse once before, but the largest size (at a different store) was a bit too tight and I looked like a sausage... an attractive sausage, to be sure, but still not the look I was going for.

At Reitmans, I was a size 13 in pants (yay!)... and you'll never guess what size tops I managed to squeeze into (yes, I squeezed)...

At first, I expected (and hoped) to fit into a 13. I also tried on an 11 in a fit of optimism. The 11 was a bit loose... so then I had the audacity to try a 9!!!

A 9!! That's ONE digit, folks!

I'm so used to not even going IN stores that sell "normal" sizes (and, admittedly, Reitmans is a store that always carried my size). When shopping with my friends, I always felt very uncomfortable and out of place. I would worry that they would want me to try things on, and I would have to admit that nothing would fit me.

If anything, I would expect to MAYBE fit into the LARGEST size at certain stores (like the occasional XXL at Old Navy). To be able to buy something that isn't in the largest size is such a weird (and wonderful) feeling!

I also bought this sweater 'cause I really liked the neckline (I'm very tired and haggard-looking today and I also need a haircut, fyi):

My newfound hotness has really inspired me to kick some ass at Booty Camp tonight! My motivation has REALLY been lagging lately, and I haven't been tracking everything, or caring really if I went over my points... from now on, when I need a shot of motivation, I'll just put on some of my hot new clothes!

I love the smell of chlorine in the morning.

Don't hate me. I currently have Mondays off. It's pretty great.

As of this morning, I had not worked out since last Tuesday. That's 6 days off, people!! Almost a week!! My Thursday Booty Camp class was cancelled because our instructor was sick. Instead of doing another workout in its place, I... didn't. And I didn't exercise all weekend (unless you can call eating multiple heaping bowls of cereal exercise).

Yeah, did I mention that I went way over my points this weekend, too? I really struggled yesterday. But, I'm very relieved to find out that my lack of desire to eat well OR work out was short-lived, and today I was feeling like myself again.

I decided to work up the nerve to go swimming at a nearby community centre. I've felt an urge to go swimming for WEEKS, but never managed to drag my butt to the pool. But today was different! I found the pool without any trouble, and made my way to the slow lane. I stayed there for a little while, but then brazenly moved over to the medium lane! I did about 20 (slow, lazy) lengths after a brief warm-up. I didn't try to get an intense workout, I just treated it as a nice, relaxing, enjoyable swim.

After my swim, I went to the grocery store right by the pool (it's fancier than the one I usually go to). I found some steel cut oats, which they didn't have at my grocery store yesterday, and a few other things. I also saw a product that was a mixture of peanut butter and white chocolate, from Peanut Butter & Co!! I really really wanted to buy it, but I gave up junk food for Lent and decided that qualified. But come Easter, watch out!!

I ALSO saw a coupon for this Liberte Greek Yogurt that everyone is blogging about lately--but could not find the actual yogurt!! In my zeal to find it, I managed to knock over a stack of yogurt and split open a container, spilling yogurt everywhere. Oops. Luckily, the man who had to clean it up didn't seem too angry, and told me the greek yogurt would be in on Wednesday.

I came home and made a delicious lunch! I bought some salmon yesterday that I wanted to try:

While it was cooking, I ate a huge salad. It had cucumbers, grape tomatoes, avocado, mixed greens, spinach, and feta cheese. I'm not usually a salad person, so when I do have one, I need a lot of "extras." In retrospect, I think this one had too much going on, though!

Then, the salmon was ready! I had it with broccoli and cheese sauce. Delicious!

Pilates tonight! My workout break is definitely over!

Eating Real Food & Weigh-In

Bitch Cakes has a great post today on how she completely cut out processed foods.

This is one thing that I have made big changes in over the past few years. I haven't eliminated processed foods completely, but if I think back to things I used to consider "dinner" (like a Lipton's Sidekicks), I'm really proud of my diet (i.e. the way I eat) today. I definitely try to eat real food more than fakey, full-of-sodium-and-chemicals, processed foods.

One of my New Years Resolutions was to eliminate the artificial sweetener in my coffee. I think it's time for an update on how that's going! I used to get three sweeteners and one milk in my large coffee from Tim Hortons... I'm VERY PROUD to announce that I'm down to one sweetener!!! That's one-third of what it was just two months ago.

Surprisingly, cutting back on the sweetener was not difficult. I really don't need as much sweetener as I thought I did to enjoy the taste! I know that I'll be down to ZERO sweeteners very soon.

In other news, I had a weigh-in today: up 1 pound. To be honest, I was relieved. I've really been struggling with my eating lately. This week, I was able to somewhat reign it in and only gain 1 pound (as opposed to several pounds, as has happened in the past). Last night, for example, I was very tired and, consequently, wanted to eat everything in my house.

I ended up making a pizza for dinner, and ate the whole thing (it wasn't a huge pizza, but half certainly would have sufficed). I knew that I was going to spend my entire evening just snacking, so I went to bed before 8 pm. What my body really needed was sleep (not multiple spoonfuls of peanut butter). I really think going to bed is what saved me, and what prevented me from being up even more this week.

Winter Run

Happy Family Day!

I never claim that I stay on plan all the time. In fact, the only reason I've had any success is because I keep STARTING OVER.

Last night, I went a bit overboard and had a few too many treats. I psyched myself up afterwards by planning out my food for today.

This morning, I added up the (estimated) points from last night, and I'm about 9 over for the week. BUT one bad evening does not mean I have to have five more bad days! I'm back at it today, I swear!

I decided to brave the cold for an outdoor run (it's been a couple of months since one of these!) I layered up:

Do my gloves look a little odd? I couldn't find a matching pair (and decided, in the end, not to wear them).

I was all ready for the mean streets of Toronto!

And afterwards, the sweaty proof:

I usually try to run for half an hour without stopping. In order to get myself out the door, I said I would just walk or run as I felt like it. Every time I checked the time, it seemed like I'd only ran a few more minutes. But I just kept going a little farther before actually heading back, and in the end, I made it a full 30 minutes! The end is always tough because I have to go uphill to get home (it always seems like a good idea to start out going downhill...).

I rewarded myself with a green smoothie that was actually green (unlike my usual brownish concoctions):

2 runs in one week (I went on Saturday... indoors)! Yay for me!

How do you get back on track?

Weigh-In

Good morning!! Are you psyched for a great, healthy weekend? I am!

This morning I weighed in at 186.8! A new low! I was down 5.8 pounds. Now, last week I was up 4.6 and didn't dwell on the number, so even though I'm down now, I still shouldn't dwell on the number... because it's not about the scale... right?

...

But it feels so good to see that "186"! I used to weigh 276, so I'm down almost 90 pounds. I could focus on the fact that I have really lost only 3.8 pounds in the past 9 weeks... but instead I will focus on the fact that I am getting really close to 100 pounds lost.

Today's meeting was awesome. Lindsay was filling in for Ashley, my usual leader, and she was wonderful. We talked about putting yourself first. It was also awesome because I finally met Kate! We both go to Ashley's Saturday morning meetings, but usually at different times. It was great having someone to sit with at the meeting, and then she gave me a ride home! It was so nice to meet her after reading about her inspiring journey on her blog.

Now, every time I have a really good week like the one I just had, I seem to fall off the wagon and have a week where I gain multiple pounds. How will I avoid that this week? Here's the plan:

• Start off my week with a run, and possibly a workout from the Booty Camp DVD today.
• Incorporate treats into my plan (I have some great frozen yogurt in my freezer).
• Get enough sleep (when I'm sleepy, I just eat and eat and eat!).
• Think of ways to reward myself for reaching upcoming goals (weight watchers 10%, 100 pounds lost). Any suggestions?

Happy Saturday!

Be Kind to Yourself

We are often much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on anyone else.

I was speaking with a good friend of mine today. She is a fitness instructor, and said something to me along the lines of "besides the classes I teach, I haven't been working out AT ALL." I quickly pointed out that if she wasn't an instructor, she may not have even gotten THOSE workouts in.

We have to recognize the hard work we do! What good does it do to criticize our efforts or focus on what we're NOT doing?

Living a happy, healthy life is often about putting yourself first. It's not about putting yourself down. In order to be successful, I need to take care of myself. I need to treat myself with kindness, and recognize all of my awesome achievements.

I used to have very low self-esteem (I know I'm not alone here!). In elementary school and high school, I was all about the NEGATIVE self-talk. It's no surprise that I was so overweight--why would I treat myself well and take care of myself if I disliked myself so much? How could I work up the courage to ask for help if I didn't even think I deserved it?

Over time, my self-esteem has come a long way (I'm honestly verging on vain now!). I may not have a "perfect" body, but I sure appreciate it for what it can do. After all the abuse I inflicted on it, and the negative thoughts I directed towards it, it hasn't failed me yet.

What are you proud of this week?

Making Meals Ahead!

I unexpectedly had last night free, so I used that time to get groceries and make some meals (and snacks!) to feed me for a little while. I like to freeze individual portions of things so I can have healthy frozen meals without all the salt & chemicals like the ones in the store (which I also eat on occasion!). I always bring a lunch to work with me, and this makes it much easier.

The only problem is that my freezer is very small, and doesn't always freeze things properly... which isn't good. I have to tell my landlord to get me a new fridge one of these days...

I started out by preparing some meatloaf! I made a few changes to that recipe: I just used pork and beef, not veal, and I improvised a bit on the breadcrumbs. I used some bread and a pita to make some of them, and filled in the rest with a container of store-bought breadcrumbs.

After I prepared the meatloaf, I made some pizza! The toppings were olive oil, fresh parsley, red onion, and potato! I felt very fancy:

While the meatloaf was in the oven, I ate 1/4 of the pizza, and finally made the Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins that I had wanted to make on Thursday. They turned out really well. I stuck to the recipe pretty closely, except I used canola oil instead of vegetable oil, and fat-free plain yogurt instead of low-fat. (The batter was delicious, too!)

Before going in the oven:

And after:

Today I'm planning on making some beans and rice in my slow cooker... I won't have to cook again for awhile!

I also had a very on-plan day yesterday! The past couple of days, I just haven't had my typical insane desire for food! (This is a good AND UNUSUAL thing!) Yesterday I ate whenever I was hungry, and (maybe because I was so busy cooking), I only ate my daily points. I also worked out: I did the 30 Day Shred Level 3!

This was my first time trying Level 3... and I did not find it as difficult as I was expecting!! There was one move that I really struggled with & could just barely do the modified version. (It was being in a plank position with your hands still holding dumbbells, then you would lift one arm in a row, then lift a leg, and alternate. I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME get a hand off the ground while in the plank.) But the rest of it was pretty not-horrible!

Tonight I have Pilates class. Here's to another great day!

Weigh-In & Good Day

So I was up 4.6 this morning. I was expecting it, but it was still hard. I had a few "episodes" this week of uncontrollable eating... but I am moving on. I felt frustrated with myself for a little while this morning, but the meeting helped me to feel better. The topic was positive self-talk, which I sorely needed!

After the meeting, I had the best day I've had in awhile (health-wise). I went for a 30-minute run on the treadmill!! I haven't been running in a few weeks, so I was worried I may have lost some of my endurance--but apparently, booty camp is working wonders, because I was able to go faster than usual!! At least once, I hit that magical point where I feel invincible. I was listening to some good music (I just remembered that "I Can See For Miles" came on at one point and I was thinking to myself I CAN see for miles, I am awesome, I can do anything, etc, etc) and just felt like I was flying.

I never dreamed that I would ever run, and to actually ENJOY it on occasion is really wonderful.

We also ordered Swiss Chalet for dinner, which for me often means french fries, stealing someone's appetizer, and the like, but instead I picked a lighter option.

AND I managed to only use 28 points today!! I get 26 daily points, and I earned 5 activity points, so this is super incredible for several reasons:

• it's Saturday, and I often use up most (if not all, or more than all) of my weekly points on Saturdays (the first day of my weight watchers week).
• I ordered food! And stuck to my plan!
• I didn't even use up all of the activity points I earned today!
• I did not feel hungry or deprived or anything today. I had some really good "treat" foods (like toast with peanut butter and honey... and swiss chalet!)
• I was in control of my food today. I wasn't out of control (like I was last night... the night before weigh-in... eep).

I am all set for a stellar day tomorrow, too. I finally got a new PROGRAMMABLE coffee pot, and I have set it up to start brewing just before I wake up. You have no idea how excited I am about this.

I was feeling worried earlier, because even though I firmly believe I will have a good week this week, it seems that I alternate really awesome weeks with unbelievably horrible weeks. It felt like no matter how well I do this week, I will screw it up next week. I know this does not have to be the case, though. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. :)

There is no point worrying about next week, or the week after. I only ever need to get through today. The rest will follow.

Obligation-Free Day!

Today I had no obligations! No work! No anything!

This morning, I was tempted to "give up" on trying to eat well because I've "failed" this week already and will surely gain weight on Saturday. I devoured a granola bar just to have something sweet with my coffee, which is what triggered my near-derailment. I came very close to eating the pizza pockets I have in my freezer (why do I have pizza pockets in my freezer????), but I didn't!

I haven't yet made the list of ways to avoid emotional eating that was suggested at my weight watchers meeting last Saturday. But I can share with you the things I did with this day off to avoid eating everything in the cupboard!

I decided to really have a good start to my day by trying some yoga (I do not have much yoga experience). I found a free beginner video on yogadownload.com, moved my coffee table, and got my mat out. But then I didn't really like it (um, well actually, it was more strenuous than I was expecting and I didn't want to "use up" my strength before boot camp haha) so I stopped after a few minutes and just did some stretching on my own.

Then I went for a walk around the block! Do I look refreshed?

(I took four pictures and that was the best one...)

I came home with a plan to make some chocolate chip banana muffins from one of my fave cookbooks: Rose Reisman's The Complete Light Kitchen.

But to my shock and dismay, I had no white flour! I was not in the mood for substituting whole wheat flour (I'm not a pro baker, and I didn't really want to experiment today), so the muffins went on hold. I had intended on making a green smoothie while the muffins were in the oven. I had to go straight to the smoothie:

It featured cooked spinach, half a banana, pomegranate juice, orange juice, and frozen strawberries. Yum!

I phoned my mom to see if she wanted to go to Canadian Tire with me to get an immersion blender and coffee pot (my coffee pot works, but each time I use it I risk electrocution. My mom says I'm not allowed to use it anymore). She was free, and also had some white flour to bring me! While I was waiting for her to show up, I watched some clips of Say Yes to the Dress online and had another snack.

It just looked so delicious I had to take a picture! Plain yogurt with an orange. Lately I've been having fruit mixed in plain yogurt a LOT. It feels like such a treat!

After going to TWO Canadian Tires and a Zellers (and a Home Depot, but they didn't even have small appliances), I ended up with zero coffee pots. I did however, get this:

I am SO SO SO excited about this. It's still in the box though, because when I finally got home from the shopping expedition, it was time to get to Booty Camp! I went early to get my measurements taken again. The muffins will have to wait until tomorrow.

Booty Camp was great tonight! I really pushed myself. Also, I was particularly happy about one of my measurements - they used calipers to measure the body fat on my upper arm, and it had gone down by 5... units... I don't really know what those numbers mean, and I feel like my original measurement may have been inaccurate (because that seems like an impossibly big difference), but I feel good about it all the same. My weight was higher though, haha.

Self Sabotage

Hello! I hope everyone is having a happy Tuesday :)

I had a not-so-happy Sunday & Monday... I stopped tracking Sunday night, and did not track yesterday either. It was bad, folks. Like, McDonald's bad. Like, McDonald's TWICE bad. Now, I definitely think that it's totally fine to have treats & junk food once in awhile, and my diet will always include the occasional trip to McDonald's! That's why I like weight watchers--it's possible to do things like that.

BUT going way overboard, so that I don't even enjoy the food, and I feel sick to my stomach, is not something I should really do. It's just punishing myself for... what? Being successful?

I had such a good week last week. I know that two days of bad eating does not undo all of my progress, but I'm so sick of having one good week, one bad week, one good week, two bad weeks, etc. I've been hovering around this weight for ages now... and I finally started to push past it... and now this.

Obviously, it's a good thing that last week's meeting topic was emotional eating! It didn't help me out yesterday, but I'm going to start thinking about strategies for next time (oh, and there will be a next time).

I'm back on plan TODAY. I had some delicious steel cut oats & peanut butter for breakfast, and I have Booty Camp tonight. I will drink water like there's no tomorrow, and try to squeeze in a workout on Wednesday. And I think it's time for a green smoothie...