Quick Check-In

I wanted to write a quick post, mostly for myself to remember how proud I am at this moment.

Remember how easy everything was on Sunday? Oh my, how things can change. ;)

Somehow, on Monday, I ate 29 over my daily points (of 25). Eep! Luckily, I had the weekly points to account for it. I don't even know how it happened! Just some Doritos here, some toast there, and BAM. 29 points in the hole.

So, fine. No big deal. I'll just watch it for the rest of the week, right?

Well. I keep chocolates in my desk at work for days that I want to bribe my students. A very dumb place for them, because I open my drawer to get something out, and I see them. Today was not a high-willpower kind of day (I got very little sleep last night and I've got a few things on my mind - excuses, excuses!), so I ate 9 plain chocolates, and 3 peanut butter ones!

So why am I proud? Well, I kept track while I ate them, and counted up all the points when I got home. I was on the verge (and may have started) going nuts eating everything in my cupboard, but somehow I convinced myself to do the 30 Day Shred Level 3. (Because it's only 20 minutes, I usually can't excuse my way out of it).

So now I'm feeling shredded by Jillian, and no longer on the verge of a crazy binge. Working out made me crave some healthy food, rather than junk, and I am still feeling really good about this week.

It just goes to show that I can avoid going completely over the top after one (or two) small bouts of uncontrollable eating! The damage done was not that bad, and my week is NOT shot to hell!

Tonight I am trying my first recipe from Eat, Shrink, and Be Merry: Mexican lasagna. I will let you know how it goes!

What else is new?

I'm feeling like myself again, and I couldn't be happier about it. Whenever I have bad days, I have to have faith that everything will click back into place again.

But is it enough to just be feeling good now? Chezjulie made a very helpful comment after I posted about my poor habits of late:

So what was different this past week? Did you plan? Did you have some special events crop up? Did you stop tracking? Were you stressed?

There's got to be reasons why one week is so different from the next. Or do you think you're just getting bored with making the effort (honeymoon period's over?) or scared of getting to goal?

I definitely need to ask myself why I go so far off-track. I don't see a problem with having the occasional day where I go over points or skip a workout. But my recent trend of big gains followed by big losses just shows how erratic my eating has been (note: I'm never UNDER-eating, just over-eating like crazy, then eating healthfully).

I came up with some possible reasons that I have been self-sabotaging (many of chezjulie's points are right on the mark!):

• Afraid to lose more weight/get to goal. I've been in the same weight range (between 190-200 pounds--right now I'm in the mid to high 180's) for almost a year. I'm comfortable where I am, people keep complimenting me on how great I look, and I've accumulated some new clothes that fit me well. Maybe, deep down, I'm afraid of more change?

• Not always getting enough sleep. When I am tired, I get cranky and emotional. The littlest thing can have me in tears. In this state, I'm liable to eat anything and everything instead of just GOING TO BED. I have to wake up around 5:30 or 5:45 a.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays for work, which is really tough--especially because I don't wake up that early every morning, so my body is not used to it.

• Lack of routine. Last week, I was off from work, and I had friends visit over the weekend (one friend stayed all weekend). Obviously, it was wonderful seeing my friends, but it threw my usual routine out of whack. Now, the friend who stayed with me knows I am on Weight Watchers, and is extremely supportive. She always suggested we cook instead of going out, and even took the Points quiz for herself and half-considered tracking along with me (she is AWESOME). Of course, because I was so hellbent on self-sabotaging, I insisted on going out for meals/ordering pizza/not exercising way too often throughout the weekend.

• Giving myself permission to overeat for any reason I could think of. As you can see, when my friend was visiting, I had even MORE incentive to eat well. She did not pressure me to eat badly at all. But because I had a friend visiting and I put myself in FUN CELEBRATION MODE, I gave myself permission to go off-plan. And I did. And once I go off-plan, I always know I will be back on plan soon. This is good and bad: while I am "allowed" to, I eat as much junk as I can because I won't be able to eat it again soon. It's like a switch in my brain is flipped. Somehow I have to train myself to just do everything moderately all the time, instead of having these two extremes.

• Not enough me-time. I need to have some time to myself to regroup, look through recipe books, make grocery lists, and things like that. Despite being off of work last week, I did not have much time to myself. Sometimes, when I'm stressed out and have not planned any non-food treats or me-time, I get through the day by thinking of what delicious thing I can eat next. It goes something like this: I'm not having a very good day. I need something to look forward to. Hmmm, what can I eat? Then I think of all the delicious possibilities (that are not even really that delicious, to be honest) and cram as many of them in as possible. If my day is full of enough things that I enjoy (or healthy delicious food to look forward to), I won't fall into this trap.

These are all definitely things that I can work on. I know I also have some more soul-searching to do (and I will).

So, enough of the analysis! What have I been up to these past few days? How did I get back on plan? (I know you're all DYING to find out...)

Well, while my friend was visiting, we got haircuts!

Before (Ugh!):

After (Hott!):

Aside from the haircut, I also got some me-time in the form of shopping therapy. I picked up a couple of new books I've been hankering for: Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think by Brian Wansink, and Eat, Shrink & Be Merry! by Janet & Greta Podleski:

Last night, I got some healthy groceries to get me through the rest of this week:

Since Wednesday morning (when I got back on track), I have been focusing on filling foods and drinking water like it's going out of style (I'm trying my best to salvage Saturday morning's weigh-in)!

Today I actually got my butt out the door for a run! I realized it was March Break and that the outdoor track at a high school near my house would be free of teenagers.

But when I got to the track, there was a man there... not running (which I could have dealt with)... but golfing! I had no desire to be struck by a golf ball, so I moved on to jog on the street. I tried a new route than usual, and found another high school with a track a few blocks away! It first appeared to be impenetrable, but I found an entrance off a parking lot. Success!

After running for 30 minutes, I walked home... and did 20 minutes of strength training! Wahoo!

Sweaty & disheveled, but still damn cute!

Now I'm drinking a green smoothie and basking in that self-righteous "I just exercised" feeling.

Aaaaaaah, it feels good to be back! :)

Weigh-In

Let's not talk about the fact that I gained 4.2 pounds at my weigh-in on Saturday, after going over my points (or not tracking at all) on most days last week.

Let's not talk about the greek food, the baklava, the pizza, the chicken strip-things, and the buttery popcorn I ate on Saturday, or that I was really sick to my stomach at around 4 am on Sunday (I really can't put it away like I used to!).

Let's not talk about the entire container of Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream that I just ate in one sitting (or the huge veal and pancetta burger and fries I had for lunch today).

Let's not talk about how nervous I am about weighing in this coming Saturday and being up again, or the fact that I have not been consistent for months now, or how scared I am that I won't get my groove back.

Let's talk about how I will try again tomorrow. Because I have no other choice.

Keeping Things in Perspective

I've been feeling nervous about my weigh-in tomorrow.

Part of the reason I like this blog is that it keeps me accountable. Knowing that I have people reading about my attempts at healthy living is just another reason to live healthfully. But I'm also nervous that I will "fail" and people will think I'm a flake--that it appears I don't follow the program, and then I complain when I gain weight.

I know that one weigh-in, one number on the scale, does not mean anything. One of my favourite blog posts is from Bitch Cakes: back in 2007 (I discovered the post when I read through all of her archives a few months ago) she wrote how it's not all about the scale. I especially love the way she explains that she would rather have a "false gain" (gaining after a week where you ate well and felt good) than a "false loss" (losing weight by fluke).

No matter what I weigh tomorrow morning, I am very proud of the week I had.

I exercised a lot: I went to both of my Booty Camp classes and my Pilates class, and I also did the Booty Camp at-home workout (I did the beginner level). I am about 10 points over my weekly points, but I did track everything (this is the first week that I properly tracked the milk I put in my coffee and tea, for example). So, to be honest, this is probably one of my better weeks, points-wise.

In other news, I am SUPER SORE today from boot camp last night! For the first time since the new year, I took the elevator at work (to the third floor). My legs just couldn't handle the stairs! Also, I don't think my abs have EVER been this sore. Ever. Last night was definitely the toughest class yet. We used the agility ladders (after we did about 7 million butt exercises) to do some cardio, and I could hardly hobble through them. But hobble I did, and I felt invincible afterwards. :)

(P.S. Tonight, the moon is the brightest it will be all year. Mars is also bright tonight, just to the left of the moon. Looking at the night sky can also put a weigh-in into perspective!)