Wednesday, July 21, 2010

keep on keepin' on

Sometimes I feel too grown-up for my own good.

I have my own apartment, I pay my own bills, I cook my own meals, I do my own laundry. Although no one has done any of these things for me for years, occasionally I wish I didn't have to be so responsible. While I like having complete control over my own life, and I do think that has helped me immensely with becoming healthier, sometimes I miss the days where I "didn't have" to care so much about what I ate. When times get tough, and I can cheer myself up by buying a danish with my morning coffee, then I'll invariably do that. My healthy routine is often the first thing to go.

I've had some stressors and changes in my life over the past few months, and while I don't think they are excuses for my slight weight gain of late, they are definitely factors. I started my first real job in September, and was living alone for the first time in my life. While these were both really good things for me, being solely responsible for things like rent and hydro was a big change.

I haven't mentioned on the blog that I had a difficult break-up a few months ago. This definitely took its toll on me. For several weeks, I felt I should take every opportunity to eat some delicious food. I think the last few weeks (or maybe even months) of that relationship was when my current plateau began.

Recently, I've begun seeing someone new. This has been a big change, as well. This is only the second person I've dated in my life, so it's all very new to me. And even though it doesn't feel stressful, it's shaking up my routine, and sometimes eating healthy and exercising can fall by the wayside.

On Saturday, I got the new Weight Watchers monthly pass, which includes unlimited meetings and e-tools! I was super-excited to be able to track online again (I was an online member before I started going to meetings). Saturday and Sunday, I tracked diligently. Surely, here was the ticket out of my slump! I thought.

Then, on Sunday night, my dad had a second heart attack (his first one was 10 years ago). He's doing well now, thankfully. Understandably, I've had a stressful few days. I think I've tracked one meal since then.

But am I unable to track because I'm distraught, or do I latch onto any bad thing that happens as an excuse to let everything go? Obviously, things happen, and it's important not to beat yourself up if you're not perfect all the time. But I've been consistently imperfect for months now. And I'm afraid that this is how the weight comes back: one excuse turns into another, and before you know it, you weigh more than when you started.

Ashley put it best: she told me one day that you have to be kind to yourself, but you shouldn't be a pushover!

I think I need to be a grown-up about this, too. It's time for some tough self-love.


schnatou's girlfriend said...

Racked me wee little brain for any wisdom on this (do you like the Irish flair I used back there lassie?)
Do you think that maybe when you are on track (with regards to working out and eating) it helps keep other areas of your life in harmony…perhaps contributes to your sense of peace and happiness?
I’m just thinking back to older blog entries when you mentioned that people serving you coffee commented on your glow.
I’m not sure what my point is…just that even though it might seem daunting in the face of everything you’re going through, it might actually help calm you down if you can focus or channel energy and stress into workouts and things will flow from there.
Did I just reiterate everything you’d already said?
I’m sorry, it is hard for me to get my thoughts into something coherent.
Also, one of my most best friends gave me a journal when I was going through my own hard times and encouraged me to write about anything and everything I was feeling, it helps so much and I love her for it ;)

p.s. I schnove you and think you’re wonderful, I really admire your strength :)

Katie said...

Thank you so much, Megan! Your thoughts are really helpful. I pulled out a journal and was using it, thanks for the suggestion. :)

P.S. That friend sounds like a keeper. Should I be jealous?